I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
