covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
