New low: just hacked my moms facebook
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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