So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
two words: eviction party
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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