So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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