Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
