I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
now i know why i became what i already was.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
nutella sex= disaster
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
