:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
