What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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