nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
smell my finger.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
