Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
a search helicopter?!
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
