batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
