1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
