Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
