ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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