I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Is this like a preordered booty call?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
