i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
