we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
