I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
