Your tits are I can't wait for
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Randomize
