We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
