The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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