I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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