would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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