if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
