In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
