just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
