I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
