Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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