Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
