So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
