Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
