I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Also, beer. Big fan.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
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