i need an iv and a liver transplant
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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