Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
