you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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