when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
