A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
So vagazzling was a success
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
