she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
