My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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