the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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