Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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