I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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