My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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