We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
