I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
