carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
if i died would you start the facebook group?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
third nipple confirmed
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
