It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
