Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
