I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
