Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
A+ Viking dick
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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