right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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