my mouth tastes like poor choices
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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