Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize