she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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