If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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