Walk of Shame. In a state park.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
