Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
