Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
