Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I enjoy the company of your penis
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
