we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
