This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
