this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
