ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
