Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize