I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
