When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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