I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
