All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
