I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
