put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
