grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
