well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
