First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
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