but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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