we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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