you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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