Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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