There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
