I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
