Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
