you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
