Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
