College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
