Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
