Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
