I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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