i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
