Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
