Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
