omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
