just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
