Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
