You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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