if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
