Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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