hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
