my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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