you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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