holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
