He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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