Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
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