I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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