And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize