the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
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