I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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